Love. For many, it’s the bane of our existence, and it’s a word that brings upon excitement, joy, happiness and comfort. But for some, it’s a word that instills fear, dread, anxiety and depression.

But why can one particular emotion that generally is associated as the most powerful positive 4 letters in the English language, be the most feared?

Defining Love isn’t as easy as a dictionary describes it. It’s a feeling and connection you have with someone that defies all logic, reasoning and explanation.

As an openly gay male, for a long time I’ve been openly ridiculed by what I define love and attraction as. There is a stereotype affiliated with people like me, that we are all about sex, unfaithfulness, partying and nudity. And I’m sure, those who can relate, are sick of the ‘category’ we’ve been placed in, purely because of a few photos people see from Pride Parades and Night Life pages on social media. Reality is, we are just like the rest of the world, wanting to love, and be loved in return.

Attraction to me is more than just a physicality. It defies the ideological theory of gender. It’s an intimate emotional connection we share with someone that is deeper than can be vocalized. It’s a soulful link with someone that enables you to see past an outer shell, and into anothers’ life.

So how does attraction lead to love? For some, it’s a natural progression of allowing yourself to be happy and connected with someone else’s perspectives. It happens from spending time with another without judgement and ridicule. That connection is established when there is equal parts support and unconditional respect on each side.

For others, it can come at a moment when we let our guard down, at a time where we think we are strong enough to take on anyone else’s baggage. Or at a point where we can no longer carry our baggage alone and we are brave enough to allow someone in to support you through a tough time.

Love can come and go, but every connection you have, whether it be current or past, has been placed in your life for a particular reason. It’s our job to find out what that reason is/was. And either nurture that relationship wholly, or accept the learnings for those long gone.

The lessons we learn in love lost are so powerful its almost harder to describe than love itself. After the initial heartbreak, we find a new found/recovered love for ourselves. And we start doing things that make our soul happy once again.

The inevitable problem with new love is that we tend to forget ourselves and our personal desires and aspirations in the process of naturally wanting to make people happy. Don’t kick yourself, it’s a normal part of the process. After all relationships are all about compromise, compassion and communication. But the communication is the one that tends to drop of first. And it’s generally because one of us isn’t being true to who we are, and honoring what makes us happy.

So, what about the love you have for yourself? Can you describe that?

I almost guarantee for many, the answer to that question will be condescending, negative and nowhere close to how you would describe love for another.

So how can we truly love anybody else, if we have different definitions for love based on what we think we deserve opposed to others?

Take a step back and re-evaluate the things you class as negative about yourself. It’s fine to love the flaws in another, but we can’t be happy if we don’t love who we are.

Accept the things you can’t change, and change the things you can’t accept.

#NatsPerspective