I bet it’s not as simple as you initially think.

What is right for you, will not always be right for someone else, and vice versa.
So if something is right for you, but causes someone else hurt, does that make it wrong?

It’s like the timeless tale of good vs evil. Is the evil standpoint still wrong If they have good intentions? Are all agendas built evil? Or did they start from a place of goodwill, and eventually over time become so fixated on their goal, that the lines of morality start to blur?

So how do you decide what’s right for you?
Which decision in your crossroads will make you happy?

Recently I’ve faced this dilemma in my personal life, and keep coming back to the same feeling of guilt. How will my decision affect someone else? How will my decision affect how I’m portrayed?

I spoke to a random person (perhaps fate brought us together for a reason) and she gave me some advice that helped me tremendously to make my decision moving forward.

“Do what you feel is right, not what you think is right”

I don’t think I understood it then, but it sat with me for a week until it finally clicked.
If I do what I feel is right, then through that comes happiness. The moment it doesn’t bring you happiness you’ll know in your heart it no longer feels like the right decision.

Then comes the other question, how will I be perceived if I make a selfish decision?

Trust your heart and not your head. Your head is impacted/clouded by fear and creates anxiety.
Trust what you feel. Caring less about what people think will bring you more internal satisfaction and happiness than worrying about how people perceive you.

Then Bam, like running into a brick wall, I realised I was a hypocrite.

I have written in the past that “what other people think of you, is none of your business” and yet here I am, realising that I have had that question at the back of my mind, in most of my decisions in life.

Why?

This is where it gets so personal and really hits home.

Let’s Talk about what is wrong and what is right.

In Australia right now, We are forced to go through a grueling process, where every person is surveyed on whether or not, people deserve to have equal rights, or if discrimination can play a part, in continuing to divide classes in our culture.

I’m talking about this absolute waste of $122M Plebiscite. The one that asks me “should I continue to be ashamed of who I am?”
The vote has been called to ask if the current Marriage Act in Australia, should be changed to allow the inclusion of Same Sex couples.
There are ways of handling such delicate issues rather than causing hurt to those on both sides and our government have failed us on this matter. No matter which way you’ve voted.

Why is this stupid plebiscite causing so much damage in both communities?

There is such a thing as a factual debate, and I believe everyone has a right to their own opinion. However, I DO NOT believe that hatred should stem from opinion.

Words I have witnessed, in media, in person or published in the last couple months;

“Gays are a disease, we don’t need a change, we need a cure”
“Fags should be put into a mental health facility for correction”
“Religion is just figment of your imagination”
“Jesus was a gay man”
“Go Die” (used against both sides)
“God will come down and kill you with all the pedophiles”

None of the above are acceptable on any level. They are not a matter of beliefs, they are a matter of hatred for the opposite side of this debate.

It’s obvious where I stand on this matter, however I’ll give you a little personal insight as to why being considerate of others’ beliefs, and having compassion is important to me.

 

I grew up in a strong, family orientated household. Aussie when it came to everyday life, but when it came to food and family occasions, we embraced our ethnicity.

The other very evident part of my family household, was that we were a Christian household. One that would pray before every meal, attend Sunday school and church every week, and one that would thank god for every positive in our lives. After all, Dad was a pastor at our church.

Now, as you could imagine, or even most of you on the ‘yes’ side would know, growing up knowing your different can really test your mental health, your ability to make true friends, your ability to love others unconditionally, your ability to love yourself and acknowledge your self-worth, and ultimately, test your honesty and integrity.
Now combine that with having religious beliefs, and some homophobic family members, and you’ve got a recipe for self-harm and disaster.

I grew up with two older brothers, one more verbal about his disgust for homosexuals than the other. Now I’d love to say, “boys will be boys” and that “kids can be cruel” but unfortunately, that same hostility with one brother still exists today.

The sad realization is that we were really close in my younger years. And we fought like crazy growing up. He was the one person that knew how to get me to a point of rage like no other. And yet, I still looked up to him. Through his late teenage years his disgust for ‘people like me’ was quite obvious. Words like “faggot and poofter” became the most insulting way to describe a person. Little did he know at the time, he was only pushing his little brother further and further away from him.

Looking back at our teenage years, he was actually the first person I felt I could be completely honest with, but because of his attacks (that I know he didn’t realise at the time) he forced me further in the closet than I had ever been before. To the point, that when I did eventually come out, he was the very last person to find out, and to this day, we still do not utter a single word to each other, nor even make eye contact.

I try to look back and see how that could have gone any better, but I think we have grown so far apart, that we actually know nothing about each other. And a day will come, where we are forced to talk to eachother under most likely terrible circumstances. I just hope for our sakes, that we find a peaceful resolve before it’s too late. I’m done accepting what is, especially when it can be changed.

So back to this vote. Most of my family will be voting NO.
As you could imagine, my natural instinct is to question “why DON’T you want your son, your brother, your nephew, your cousin, your loved one to be happy?”
And it’s consumed me lately, sitting in a dark place, finding separation in my family ties once again. It’s been the biggest divider in our family and will continue to be, unless we start to accept each other.

 

I love my family, completely and utterly, even the ones that do not have the same love for me.
I grew up thinking my life was of shame and sin, that I was not worthy of the life I was given. That I should have been more, I should have made my family proud instead of being the black sheep.
I tried so hard in every endeavor to seek acceptance from my parents and family.
Every job I did I put everything I had and even surpassed my own expectations. I bought a house so early in life, I took over my first restaurant so young, and yet I felt it was never enough.
I needed to keep proving myself in life to atone for the one part of me they would never be proud of.

After finally having a conversation with them recently, I’m coming to terms that beliefs don’t create judgement, opinions do.
I know in my heart that I am worth of being on this planet, GAY and all.
I know that I would not be half the person I am today if I wasn’t gay. For all those hardships have created me and who I stand as now

I am proud of who I am. And you should be proud of who you are.
I deserve equal rights, and I know you believe we do too, but perhaps your religious beliefs are forbidding you to follow that instinct. And THAT IS OK. I understand the conflict and hold no judgement over that.

 

For all the No Voters, thank you for being honest to your own beliefs.
For all the people attacking on both sides, opinions aren’t relevant here.
For all the Yes Voters, most of you are either going through this hardship yourself or know someone you love or care about going through it.

You are equal, you are worthy, you are strong and you are capable of being loved. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Peace out #NatsPerspective